The Road to Recovery and New Beginnings. Part 2: Gratitude- Fixtures in the background.
A Knights Of Awakening Radio and Blog series
Hosted by Justin Bane
Welcome to part 2 of this new series! In the last episode was an introduction to the series and a little background to bring us closer in understanding. I hope you enjoyed it and I look forward to continuing with this second part with you!
It’s not like I somehow forgot to be grateful and thankful in my life. But I certainly had found myself somehow taking many things for granted. We get to points in our lives where things seem to become automated in a way. Everyday tasks become background noise to a point and people in our lives become fixtures. I would go about my daily life as if everything would always fall into place and arrogantly take all of the credit, as if it were simply my Will that made everything the way it needed to be.
I get up in the morning and grab a cup of joe, turn on the TV to the local news to check the weather and happenings of the day. I slept in as I do many days of the week on the days I work, because I didn’t get home until around 3AM. When I have had my fill of TV, I go to the computer and check out what is happening with my friends and family. Daily routine, filled with background noise and fixtures. I look over and see a clean uniform waiting for me hanging up in the living room ready to go, simply waiting for me to put the pins, name tag, and badge on it so I can look sharp and professional for work. Just another typical day, filled with background noise and fixtures. This day was going to be different, this day I was going to be awakened…..
I am walking along and out of nowhere, I am on the ground looking at my left foot which was now completely turned the opposite way and pointing at my right foot. What the hell just happened!?!?! I turn my foot back into the position it is supposed to be. I gain my bearings and do everything I can to drag myself out of harms way and to my patrol car to call for help. Funny how all of those “fixtures” become real again when you are suddenly snapped into the moment. People rushed over to help and try and comfort me. Arrogantly I tell them that everything is ok and that they all need to calm down and be careful because of the ice that was completely invisible. I asked one of these so called fixtures in my life to call my friends at the Fire station for help, because I am starting to realize that this one may just be bigger than me.
Counting my fire buddies, Family, Partner, Chief, bystanders, and the hospital staff nearly 30 people fawned over me. Most trying to keep me comfortable, others doing the work they had to do to stabilize me and figure out just how bad it was. Of course I kept telling them that it will be ok and that I will be fine. They reassured me that they were going to check just in case. They knew how bad it was, they just didn’t want to worry me. They all were just looking out for me.
I go home that night with my wife and mother-in-law. Telling me how tough I was and how brave, given that I nearly broke the bone so bad that it nearly came out of my leg. My wife kept telling me over and over again. She knew I was scared, I think that scared the hell out of her too, given that she had never known me be scared of anything.
The next few days I laid around trying to keep my foot elevated and iced down. She fed me, clothed me, covered me to keep me warm, helped me take my medicine, took all of my phone calls, handled all of my business and affairs, and never left my side. She stayed up with me at night because I was not sleeping mainly due to the nightmares that I was having. She was my guardian, my rock, my foundation. All of the things that is usually my job and burden to bare. I understand that she was suddenly doing all of these extra things for me because I could not do them for myself. It is no different when she had her many surgeries and I provided the same care for her. That was not the important lesson that I was going to re-learn, it was the wake-up call that I did need though.
It was the days and weeks up until this point, 1 month after the accident, that I started to realize that the background noise and fixtures were there because I had taken many things and people in my life for granted. Once I was forced out of my routine, and I was forced to open my eyes and take a look around and see things for what they were. Sometimes being suddenly and completely mindful has a way of waking you up. But mindfulness is a topic for another discussion later.
Earlier I took you through a typical day in my life. Lets look at that again with a different lens; I get up in the morning and grab a cup of joe (that my Wife got up early to make), turn on the TV to the local news to check the weather and happenings of the day. I slept in as I do many days of the week on the days I work, because I didn’t get home until around 3AM (my Wife and children get up early and get ready for school and work taking great care that they do not wake me). When I have had my fill of TV, I go to the computer and check out what is happening with my friends and family (who take the time out of their day to send me things and keep me in the loop of what is going on, if only to put a smile on my face). I look over and see a clean uniform waiting for me hanging up in the living room ready to go, simply waiting for me to put the pins, name tag, and badge on it so I can look sharp and professional for work (a uniform that is washed and pressed, even though she has her own clothes to worry about).
I broke one of the Knights Of Awakenings golden rules; I allowed myself to get comfortable and stagnant. I allowed myself to take moments and people in my life for granted. As I continue the healing process, I vow to take it one step and one moment at a time, so that I can be present and grateful for those moments and people that make life great. I understand that being in an active state of gratitude is a choice, and that active participation is mandatory. I am grateful my eyes were opened to this oversight on my part. I am not happy I was hurt badly, but I am happy that I can now look at this from a different perspective and see what I have been missing out on.
I am grateful for the experience and being present within it. I am grateful that I was not hurt any worse than I was. I am grateful for the moments in my life that give validation but also the moments that give me grief and make me uncomfortable and push me to my limits. I am grateful for the people in my life who offers compassion, comfort, love, understanding, and the opportunity to show them my gratitude and love in return. I am grateful for the people who push me to my breaking point and force me to go beyond that. I am grateful that I am able to live my life in a way that no matter what happens to me, it is still always on my terms. I am grateful that you have taken the time to read this, without you, there is no Knights Of Awakening!
I hope you will listen to the show portion of this topic and I look forward to reading your comments! Please feel free to share your stories of a similar situation that you may have found yourself in. Until next time………..
Awaken the Knight Within!