The Road to Recovery and New Beginnings. Part 6: Will-Life hits like a B#$%@

In part 5, I shared with you some of the low points in my journey. Today, I am going to share a renewed fire and spirit! It has been one hell of a ride since February 4, 2016. I have had to deal with some depression, a lot of sleepless nights, pain that made me cringe and cry sometimes, frustration that made me want to lash out on unsuspecting victims, and projecting my anger and frustration onto those who love and care for me just to name a few.

2016 started off being the most horrible year that I can recall in my time on earth. At least from a personal standpoint. Let’s do a quick rundown:

  1. I broke my leg in several places, resulting in surgery and more recently being diagnosed with a Blood Clot because of the surgery (which by the way, is still there). We will talk about this specifically in a bit.

  2. Everyone in my house has either had the Flu or other serious respiratory illness.

  3. My 3rd oldest, had a ruptured Appendix that required emergency surgery and a 5 day hospital stay because of the massive infection.

  4. My 2nd oldest had my first Grandson (which is AWESOME!) but then he had to spend a few days in the Hospital for an unknown virus or illness.

The best part is, it is only April!

So, I was diagnosed with a small blood clot because of the surgery. I am grateful that they had the foresight to check and address the issue before it became a long term problem or even worse potential death. But that is where it went from good to bad. From there they sent me to the Emergency Room, to which I got lectured and questioned as to why I was there and why did they not “deal” with it themselves. I was given some medicine and was told to follow up with my primary Dr. in a week. I followed up and was told that they did not want to deal with it either and that they would refer me to some kind of specialist. Just as a foot note; they tell you that blood clots are extremely dangerous and also tell you that the medicine is a lifeline and that you cannot miss one single dose and that the doses must be at the same time every day.

So the referral was made and approved a few days after it was sent. A whole week goes by and I am 2 days away from being out of medicine. I go and try and follow up and nobody knows what to do or who is supposed to be responsible. No one wants to refill the medicine and I am running out of time. In the very same breath they tell me how dangerous it is without the medicine, but also tell me that they do not want to have the responsibility to refill it. I am no closer to an appointment either to get it rechecked. They finally begrudgingly refill the medicine for a week.

Week three is now upon me and 2 days before my “Life saving” medicine runs out again, they finally see me for a re-evaluation. They do the scan and see that it is still there. No bigger or smaller, just sitting there like before. Then they tell me that they cannot give me more medicine because it is someone elses responsibility until next week. So here I go again, fighting to get “life saving” medication from the same people who don’t want to be responsible for it. But want to preach how important it is.

So I have spent the past couple of months cursing this year thus far. But isn’t this when the Strong show what they are made of? Isn’t it in times of hardship and grief that we find a way to overcome? When the very Universe seems to be conspiring against you, isn’t that the time to stand up and fight? I certainly think so. When Life hits you and knocks you to the ground, you have to get back up and say “You hit like a B%$#%”!

All of you have followed me throughout the past 2 months. In these two months, I have found a renewed vigor and zest. I am crushing physical therapy and should be back to good in no time. I will push through the pain! I will push through the lack of sleep. I will push through the aggravation and frustration. I will get up and dust myself off and say “You hit like a B#$@%”!!!

Thanks for taking the time to read this blog and listening to the shows over at our Facebook and YouTube channel! I love you all very much Knights, and until next time………

Awaken the Knight Within!


The Road to Recovery and New Beginnings. Part 5: Humility-I’m only Human

A Knights Of Awakening radio and blog series

Hosted by Justin Bane

What a Humbling experience this whole thing has been. I was just talking about Pride versus Arrogance on our live show last week. I stressed that it was a matter of moderating our feelings rather than completely abandoning them altogether based on a dogmatic point of view. I purposely did not want to elaborate too much on the moderation of the feeling of Pride, because I was saving it for today.

I am of the belief that if Pride can be kept in check, and not allowed to become Arrogance, as I spoke to on the show the other day, then so many good things can come from that. To just name a few; Pride helps keep us focused on how important our work is in the overall bigger picture. Pride can also help us along our paths by giving us markers in our successes and motivate us to the next milestone. Taking Pride in our path and our good works can also help inspire others to follow suit.

What I did not take time to mention was that, between the two points of Pride and Arrogance, Pride can take other turns. Let me give you a couple of examples; Since my accident, it has been difficult for me to get around. I can only go so far on crutches as they can wear you down quickly. It took me a few weeks to get comfortable enough to use the electric chairs at Walmart. It seemed like everyone was staring at me. It felt as if they were talking about me under their breath because clearly I was in no condition to use a chair like that because I am a young man in good shape. I took it very personal and I allowed it to wound my Pride. I would get angry at them and curse them with my stare. I was too Proud to use the placard they gave me to park in the front of the stores and buildings. I always would say “those spots are reserved for people who really need them” and then I would slowly crutch my way to the front from the back of the parking lot.

When the Ego controls Pride, then you will get results like that. When the Ego controls these feelings, you project how you feel onto others. You start to take everything personal, and find disrespect where none existed. Coming to terms with our humanity can be a tough pill to swallow. Coming to terms with the realities of your situation can be uncomfortable and painful. As I said in a previous post, I did not like all of those people fawning over me. I am a big boy and I can take care of myself. The reality was, my Pride and to some degree my Arrogance, allowed me to see a false sense of things. The reality was, I DID need people to do things for me and I did not like feeling “weak”. I did not like my Wife looking at me as if I was not the strong provider and protector that I always had been. I did not like feeling like I was no longer useful and could be discarded because of it. All projections of a human, who all of a sudden had lost sight of what was real and what was not.

I still stand by what I said before. Pride can be a good thing, if kept in check and moderated. Don’t take anything too personal, and do not seek and create conflict where none existed. Often times when we are at a low point, the most important thing we can do is to be kind to ourselves. Most of our anxiety and stress comes from our own internal struggles that are then projected onto the world around us. When we are in a fractured state of mind and body, we just have to remember one thing…we are only Human after all.

Knights Of Awakening Interview Series

Hello Knights!  I wanted to share with you a new video series that we will be starting this coming week at the Knights Of Awakening  called The “Knights Of Awakening Interview Series”.  This new series will be videos of interviews conducted with our favorite and most fun, informative, and entertaining guests!

The interviews were conducted on the Knights Of Awakening show with David and Justin.  We hope you enjoy the videos and if you have guests that you would like us to interview, please let us know!

Afterthoughts, KOA live show 04/07/16


Here is that dog I mentioned on the show, her name is Sydney.  LOL, this dog was everywhere!  She acts like she has thumbs and climbs on you like a Spider Monkey.  She looks like a mix between Chewbacca and a Ewok, this dog is just awesome.  On my trip I also got to meet my first Grandson, Aiden!  I got the chance to spend some time with him and my Daughter.  Holding him, makes the circle complete……just amazing!

On this weeks show, we talked about Pride and Passion and I shared my story about the dog and my trip.  I also met Michael Hannigan. This weeks show went much smoother than our first show back on the air.  I wasn’t nervous at all, and I think I only counted 5 or 6 “ummms” this time!  The show was short, but that is ok.  I have learned over the years that it is better to let a show flow into completion early, rather than trying to make it last for the allotted time.

If you haven’t checked out this weeks show and the bonus video on “Giving a Bad Tarot Card Reading”  go check those out now!  That is all for now Knights, until next time…….

Awaken the Knight Within!

Part 3: Let’s Start a Riot!

In this episode, we canvas the history of famous rebellious groups and how they impacted the United States. Welcome to Part 3 of Social Reform.

Shay’s Rebellion:
Gabriel Prosser:
Watts Riots:
Rodney King Riots:
How Blacks won the Civil War:

For Previous Episodes in this Series: