The Road to Recovery and New Beginnings. Part 5: Humility-I’m only Human

A Knights Of Awakening radio and blog series

Hosted by Justin Bane

What a Humbling experience this whole thing has been. I was just talking about Pride versus Arrogance on our live show last week. I stressed that it was a matter of moderating our feelings rather than completely abandoning them altogether based on a dogmatic point of view. I purposely did not want to elaborate too much on the moderation of the feeling of Pride, because I was saving it for today.

I am of the belief that if Pride can be kept in check, and not allowed to become Arrogance, as I spoke to on the show the other day, then so many good things can come from that. To just name a few; Pride helps keep us focused on how important our work is in the overall bigger picture. Pride can also help us along our paths by giving us markers in our successes and motivate us to the next milestone. Taking Pride in our path and our good works can also help inspire others to follow suit.

What I did not take time to mention was that, between the two points of Pride and Arrogance, Pride can take other turns. Let me give you a couple of examples; Since my accident, it has been difficult for me to get around. I can only go so far on crutches as they can wear you down quickly. It took me a few weeks to get comfortable enough to use the electric chairs at Walmart. It seemed like everyone was staring at me. It felt as if they were talking about me under their breath because clearly I was in no condition to use a chair like that because I am a young man in good shape. I took it very personal and I allowed it to wound my Pride. I would get angry at them and curse them with my stare. I was too Proud to use the placard they gave me to park in the front of the stores and buildings. I always would say “those spots are reserved for people who really need them” and then I would slowly crutch my way to the front from the back of the parking lot.

When the Ego controls Pride, then you will get results like that. When the Ego controls these feelings, you project how you feel onto others. You start to take everything personal, and find disrespect where none existed. Coming to terms with our humanity can be a tough pill to swallow. Coming to terms with the realities of your situation can be uncomfortable and painful. As I said in a previous post, I did not like all of those people fawning over me. I am a big boy and I can take care of myself. The reality was, my Pride and to some degree my Arrogance, allowed me to see a false sense of things. The reality was, I DID need people to do things for me and I did not like feeling “weak”. I did not like my Wife looking at me as if I was not the strong provider and protector that I always had been. I did not like feeling like I was no longer useful and could be discarded because of it. All projections of a human, who all of a sudden had lost sight of what was real and what was not.

I still stand by what I said before. Pride can be a good thing, if kept in check and moderated. Don’t take anything too personal, and do not seek and create conflict where none existed. Often times when we are at a low point, the most important thing we can do is to be kind to ourselves. Most of our anxiety and stress comes from our own internal struggles that are then projected onto the world around us. When we are in a fractured state of mind and body, we just have to remember one thing…we are only Human after all.


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